I have finally decided to fully embrace the fact that I am the “emotional one.”
Dismissing a piece of who you are will cause you not to walk in the fullness of all that you are.
You are not half of a person, you are a whole person and every piece that creates the whole isn’t all perfect. Actually, I believe the imperfections are mixed in to add a bit of balance and perspective so that we can fully learn how to be humble and empathetic. As society would have it “being emotional” is a sign of weakness. I would beg to differ.
I started to ridicule myself for being vulnerable at times when I should have set my face as a flint in a numb attempt to be nonchalant about the things that were either hurting me intensely or causing me unspeakable joy.
I began to apologize for a part of me that encompassed a piece of my personality makeup. Ever since I was young I was very sensitive to my environment and the feelings of others. If I saw someone getting jumped I would burst into full-blown newborn baby type tears while others chalked it up to being a part of life that the lesser party probably deserved.
No, this ACTUALLY happened.
I remember my freshman year of college glancing out of a dorm room seeing that someone was getting jumped and I cried. My colleagues were like, “oh my gosh you’re crying? That’s normal.”
Why should they care? That’s not their family member, that’s not their problem, it’s someone else’s. Right?
I was deemed emotional because I chose to be a part of the population that actually had compassion outside of my bubble of family and friends. I started to notice that I wasn’t what people would call “emotional” for the sake of being emotional. I was sensitive to my surroundings and was open enough to be vulnerable to how things, people, habits, thoughts, and cultural indifferences made me feel.
To me, tears or evoking emotion became an act to release inner toxins that were potentially hazardous to my inner peace.
I was human enough to feel what someone else may be feeling while knowing that our cultural, religious, racial background and experiences do in fact impact how we react and interact in life and towards others.
I counteracted some of the emotions and fueled them into creativity, however, creativity is another form of baring your soul. When you share a work that is very dear to your heart there is this desire (whether we admit it or not) to be accepted.
Not acceptance of who we are but acceptance of what we’ve created. People fail to realize that this in itself is a moment of revelation for me because I realize that what we created is an extension of who we are. The reason people are sensitive when it comes to their craft is because to reject what they create is essentially rejecting an extension of who they are, a strike to their ego, simply because it’s something they produced.
Am I saying that throwing tantrums because people don’t like your art is a reasonable reaction? No, I am not. What I am saying is that we all have a form of emotionalism or expression that allows us to be vulnerable with the world. The difference is some of us are not afraid when our open wounds are exposed to the world because we understand that takes courage. We understand that releasing is healing, and living in our truth is not just freeing for us but may be an open door for the person who’s not brave enough to let the world see them in a state of emotion.
I now realize that I don’t have to apologize for who God created me to be because expressing myself the way I do takes great courage and is simply who I am. Adding perspective to emotion provides balance which is something that I am gaining daily.
I am happy to respond now when people call me emotional and say yes that is a part of who I am, it means I feel the world around me and I am unafraid.